Stillness

Is there anything more challenging than stillness, I wonder?  Am I the only one who has difficulty being still?

Here I am in beautiful Maui. On the one hand I have no real desire to move from my lanai.  I have a desire to be still.  And yet, there is this part of me that screams, "You can't have traveled twenty hours to sit on a balcony.  There are beautiful sights to see and many things to do and you only have six days left."  This annoying part of me that is so afraid I'm going to miss something was reflected back to me this morning in the guise of a group of young men in the condo below disturbing my reverie.  I mean they're blasting something that's supposed to resemble music at 7:30 am and shouting with deep, boisterous, resonant young men voices.  So I try to tell myself, "They're just having fun on vacation."  But it's agitating me and just when I decide to go down and remind them that the signs posted say that quiet time is before and after 10, the wise tree beckons, "Come to me.  Just leave the noise behind you."

I leave my balcony grumbling to myself that I shouldn't have to leave my space to find quiet this early in the day, but as I cross the lawn in bare feet, its spongy soft coolness begins to soothe these irritated nerve endings.  And my wise friend invites me to lie down with him.  So I drape the sarong on the grass and lay down gazing upward into his branches searching for the stillness I seek. 

He suggests softly that I notice the grass and the solid support of the soil beneath me.  He reminds me that the earth is my mother and while she does everything in her power to nourish me, she won't push herself on me.  I must allow her to take care of me if I wish to be strengthened by her.  He asks me to listen for, and to actually feel, the beat of her mother's heart within the drumbeat of my own heart.  He instructs me to take a deep breath in and to hold it within me for a moment before breathing it out.  All of this I do.

Then he surprises me by inviting me to enter his trunk.  "Become the sap flowing down into my roots," he says.  "Notice the way our sap flows down through the soil right into the heart of our Mother. Observe how she places her love into our sap and returns it to our roots similar to a money exchange at the drive-through window of a bank.  He asks me to feel the movement of the sap in our veins flowing back and forth between the heart of Mother Earth and our own roots.  And while sensing that exchange of love to take a deep breath in and rest in the stillpoint of the breath before exhaling deeply and breathing easily in the space of this loving exchange."   And I do.

The wise tree wasn't finished with me.  "And now flow from our roots upward into the tallest branches.  Rest there in the breeze.  Perceive that we are extending beyond the seen branches into the sky on the wings of a bird flying as far as our imagination can take us.  Breathe in the planets, the stars, the galaxies, the moon, the sun as we fly. Hold the stillpoint.  Sense your physical cell connection to these wondrous galactic beings.  And as you breathe out, allow yourself to flow back into the center of my trunk bringing the galactic heavens back with us.  Feeling the consistent love and support that we receive from the galaxies.  Especially the Sun.  It rises every day without fail whether we see it or not.  Feel the warmth of the Sun's rays flowing into every cell of your body.  Recognize the love flowing from above anchoring us to Source and recognize the flow of love from below anchoring us to the earth right within the heart of our trunk."  And I do.

"Now travel to the farthest tip of the longest branch pointing to the north.  Go beyond the leaves and feel the energy of the tree blueprint tethoring us to the overall divine blueprint.  Breathe it in.  And I do.

Flow into the southernmost branch and feel the security of my equilibrium and harmony.  Breathe it in.  And I do.

Next spring to the east and breathe in the golden radiance of higher consicousness .  And I do. 

And lastly flood into west.  Breathe in our connection with every animal, plant, bird, insect, mineral, and all humanity."  And I do.

Now flow back into the heart of my trunk.  Feel the intersection of above, below, north south, east, west coming together in the rotary of the center. 

Breathe it in. 

Hold it for a moment. 

Breathe it out. 

Hold it for a moment. 

And now just breathe.

And I do!

This my darling daughter is stillness.

When the winds fiercely blow & the ocean threatens to overwhelm, stillness keeps me firmly rooted, strongly centered, and solidly in place. There is no need to find stillness only while sitting in peaceful reverie on your lanai.  Take this stillness with you everywhere you go.  

And so I go out today to absorb the true beauty of Mother Maui as a daughter of the Earth and Sky.

The Wisdom of the Tree
by Margie Boehmer
November 2009

The tree stands firmly rooted in the same space
day after day, year after year, observing.
Its growth depending upon the sun, the rain,
the clarity of the air.

Sap streams through the tree’s
roots, its trunk, its branches, its leaves.
Yet the tree need do nothing
but stand firmly rooted
allowing its sap to freely flow.


When the sun warms the air
and rain springs from the sky,
sap entices the buds to burst forth
into luscious flowers and yellow-green leaves.
A majestic headdress that feeds the soul,
yet the tree need do nothing
but stand firmly rooted
allowing its sap to freely flow.


When the sun turns hot
And the sky dries up,
sap encourages the flowers
to sacrifice themselves for the seeds
and the fruit ripens into rich,
juicy, plump lushness.
Yet the tree need do nothing
but stand firmly rooted
allowing its sap to freely flow.


When the fruit abundantly flourishes,
the tree’s limbs sag with effort,
but it is the fruit that sacrifices itself
to the birds, to people, to the earth.
And the tree need do nothing
but stand firmly rooted
allowing its sap to freely flow.


And when the clouds cover the sun
and the air turns brisk, the sap thickens
and leaves blush with glorious displays
of gold, ruby, and amethyst.
Yet, the tree need do nothing
but stand firmly rooted
allowing its sap to freely flow.


And when the sun rests behind winter skies
and the leaves sacrifice themselves to the earth,
and the rain sacrifices itself to ice crystals,
the tree’s nakedness is clothed in a
wintry gown of purity and natural
innocence.
Yet the tree need do nothing
but stand firmly rooted
allowing its sap to freely flow.


And like the tree,
I surrender my need to control
my life and stand on the earth
firmly rooted allowing my inner sense
to freely flow.

Maui Love Affairs

What does my body like better than a good night's sleep?  No, not that!  Uh. No, not that either! 

The correct answer
would be lying on a sarong on my belly in amber sand silkier than sifted flour.  Scooting around until space is created for everything that gravitates downward and then feeling the caress of the ocean as she breathes. Experiencing the pull of her inbreath against the sand as the water recedes back into itself, the silence as the swell builds, and then the crashing sensation of her outbreath upon the beach.  I tried to breathe in time with the rise and fall of her breath but it made me lightheaded.  So I went back to just feeling it in all the cells of my body.  Better than a massage and that other answer you probably gave. The next best experience is the shower that washes away the sand.

This morning I awoke to screaming body cells.  "Don't you dare make us do anything today."  And so I didn't.  Well not much anyway.  We did manage to carry ourselves onto the lanai for toast and coffee.  While gazing at nothing in particular and everything all at once, there he was!  Tall, graceful, beautiful and sturdy.  I noticed him yesterday.  But today he waved at me.  I looked around but no one else was in sight so I smiled and waved back.  He called, "Come down from your balcony." "Did I hear him right?  Did he call for me to come down.  Maybe I misunderstood."  So I tipped my cup and continued eating breakfast. 

Later when my body agreed to a short walk, I ran into him again.  This time he said, "Put down your blanket.  Keep me company awhile."  And so I did.  He told me that he has lived in Kihei along the shore for years and years.  I listened.  He seemed very wise.  He said that he remembers Kihei before all the condominiums, when natives lived and worked the land along her shores.  He has experienced storms and droughts, hurricanes and floods.  He has been swamped by waves.  And even though he recently lost an extremity, he's happy to be alive and to be of service when he can.   He told me his greatest joy is when someone stops long enough to acknowledge his presence.  He thanked me for sitting with him.  And I was honored that he shared not only his story with me but also his shade.

I warned you this wouldn't be a typical tourist blog.  I AM my own amusement.

Aloha Mai

This blog is not to be read.  It is to be absorbed.  It will not be a typical tourist blog although I will add that in as well.   I feel the freedom now to speak about my inner journey from a whole new perspective.  Drink in the words like the finest wine because they come from the deepest place inside me.   Let the nectar, the mystery, the magic that is the divine feminine of Hawaii run down your throat and into your body the way it does mine.  I will do my best to make it so real for you that you feel the juice of the passion fruit running down your face.

I arrived last night with less than auspicious feelings mostly due to being tired.  Then wham-bam before I can finish my coffee, the wall that still armored my heart cracks open like an egg being readied for the frying pan.  I fell from the shell like a newborn baby into the Heart of Mother Hawaii who cradles me now as if I am her long lost daughter.  The Rockies welcomed me three years ago into the crystalline mind of the Flat Iron Mountain Range and chipped and chiseled away old stubborn thought patterns every day so that I could be ready for this moment.  My soul wide open lapping up the nectar of life.  

Passion dances in my veins like a thundering tribal drum reawakening me to the sacredness of the earth.  Indescribable colors joyously assault my senses so much so that I have to shut my eyes and remind myself to breathe.  Indescribable color that these pictures do not do justice nor do my words but I keep trying.  Writing words are my joy, my color pallette of gold, sapphire, aquamarine, cerulean,  mint, emerald, forest, peach, amber, magenta, opalescent, blue-diamond.    Fluffy pure crystal white herons prance on the lawn, orange black-veined butterflies flit through the air, a myriad of jungle birdsounds give rise to the new day. And I recognize how much I have missed them all and that I am overjoyed at being here now.   A few years ago I wrote a poem called The Relationship Triangle (posted at the end).  What I discovered this morning is that I know ME well now. 

How does re-awakening happen so magically, so mysteriously, so quickly while I sit on my lanai, sip Kona coffee, write in my journal, and tone the vowels of love?  Ask me sometime for real and I'll tell you all. 

And now as I write the wind whistles and howls with a force that the raise the fronds of the palm trees upwards to the sky as if in joyous adoration and the waves adorn themselves with crowns of opals and diamonds. I wonder if I should be afraid, but my essence says, "No. The wind is here to clear the air of the debris from the shattered wall."

Later, I walked along the narrow beach that borders the lawn behind the condo and watched a man driving a backhoe and cleaning up the seaweed.  My first thought was 'heaven forbid a tourist might have to deal with nature while walking along Maui's shores.'  But then another thought wormed its way in.  It feels like Fred brought it.  And right this moment I'm reminded that tomorrow - 6/11- would have been our anniversary.  Anyway, I was reminded how much he loved working his backhoe.   He would have received great joy from doing this service for others.  The simple act of working with his "superhoe" alongside the beauty of the ocean and making the beach more easy to navigate for people visiting the shores would have soothed his soul.  And so I stopped my judging thoughts immediately, gazed at the sea and with great gratitude to Fred and today's backhoe operator, I chanted the one chant I remember from living in Kona.  Written by Keala Chang, Kona, HI,

"Hiki mai , Hiki mai kala, O ia kala i kalani, O kila kila mauna o'hawaii, na iwi na, na iwi ne, aloha mai, aloha mai."

No wonder the Hawaiian language (and Italian) is called the language of love.  So many vowel sounds.  (My rough translation)  This is the day, This is the day of the sun, The day of heaven, From the steep mountains of Hawaii down to the sea, from our ancestors who came before, from ourselves today and all  who will come after us, love comes, love comes.

Feel the love that I feel right now and share it with someone.  Today is the day.  Love comes.  Love comes.

And now my eggs and coffee have worn off and it's time to find the market.  Mahalo for reading.


Relationship Triangle

I’m beginning to understand much better
The relationship triangle… and its letter.
It isn’t so named because of a man and two women
or vice versa. It is the relationship within.

Inside each of us, three entities exist.
It has nothing to do with having a tryst.
There’s a triangle consisting of the I, the YOU
and the SELF. By the way, I’m sure this is true!


The I and the YOU within, each live in its own house.
Sometimes they want to live together but really don’t know how.
The I has boarded its windows and doors.
The YOU goes its own way and mostly ignores.

Then one day, who knows why?, the SELF appears.
“Hey, remember me. I live here too” …and the I and YOU hear.
The YOU has sometimes dabbled with the SELF.
But the I has kept herself locked away, high on the shelf.


The SELF has awakened though, and shines its light bright.
It can’t help it. That’s what it’s made of. There is no night.
The light eventually peeps through a crack in the wall.
Warming the I fast asleep on her shelf in the hall.

The I awakens, wondering why it’s so hot in here.
It pries the wood from the window just to peer.
The light of the SELF now floods the room.
The I tries to hide and return to her gloom.


There’s no way now for the I to hide from the YOU.
The SELF has exposed her existence. Did I say?
I’m sure this is true!
Now the YOU is curious about his neighbor, the I.
She’s quite beautiful; and after all, they both live inside.


So the YOU knocks on her door even though it is boarded.
The I has done her best to keep her energy hoarded.
But the SELF, without fail, continues to shine its light.
And the YOU keeps knocking on her door. What a fright!


She buries her head under a thick dense comforter,
But the SELF and the YOU are relentless. They just won’t let her.
She gives up finally and removes all the boards.
Unlatching the chains too, she cracks open the door.


One thing’s for sure, she won’t let the YOU inside.
She tentatively steps onto the porch. The I can no longer hide.
Day by day, the I and the YOU come together.
They now meet on the porch in all kinds of weather.


I now declares to YOU that she enjoys his company.
But she can’t let him in until she turns I into ME.
For you see, the I has been asleep for a long time in the dark.
She must now discover herself in the light. Find her own spark.

The I must determine who she truly is.
It’s important she remain true to herself even when she gives.
The reason the I went to sleep in the first place you see
is because the YOU took her over and wouldn’t allow her to BE.


All the while, the I is busy finding herself
The YOU has returned to his home to sit on HIS shelf.
He isn’t sleeping; just learning a new way.
For YOU loves I and wants their relationship to stay.


All the while I and YOU are learning about themselves.
The SELF continues to shine its bright light on their shelves.
The SELF is in no hurry. Its light won’t burn out. It can wait till they become present.
For the SELF is the Super Energy Light Field that is their essence.


Take a deep breath now. There’s more to this story.
Relationships can move into a whole new category.
Real relationship takes three entities; not just two.
The I, the YOU and the SELF. Did I say? I’m sure this is true!


Stay tuned for the next relationship tale.
I don’t know it yet for my I doesn’t know ME well.
When that happens, the YOU may want to expand on its shelf
For then it just may be time for my YOU to know Himself.


By the way, I don’t remember; but maybe you do.
Did I say? I’m sure this is true!


Analahoe 3-4-07

Tired and Weary but in Maui

It's 1:39 am June 10 Boulder time, 9:39 pm, June 9, Hawaii time.  I left my house at 6:30 am June 9 without a wink of sleep the night before.  I'm still like a kid when I get to go somewhere.... especially coming back to the Islands.  But now, I'm beat.  And it was not fun finding this condo in the dark.  I don't know Maui very well.  But I found it, didn't have an accident along the way, the key code worked, and all is well.  I stopped at the ABC Store and purchased Kona coffee (hey if you're here) and eggs for the morning - and a bottle of red wine for right now.  Well a glass anyway.  I forgot how cheap wine is here.  Whoo Hoo!

The trip, besides taking me all over the country also had its potential difficulties.  The flight from Sacramento to San Francisco was delayed two hours which meant I'd miss the flight to Maui.  But ya know there are good things about traveling singly.  The first one being... if there's only one seat left on a different flight, you get it .... because all the rest of the people traveling to Hawaii are couples.  I wasn't sure exactly how happy I really was though when I saw the plane was a prop.  The last time I flew in a propeller driven plane was recruiting at University of Michigan and I had forgotten how my stomach flips when I feel the hurry, hurry, hurry in a small plane.  Taxiing to the runway felt  like a racecar in the Gran Prix, although I was happy the pilot was doing his best to get us all to SF in time to catch the flight.  The fishtailing into liftoff while twirling blades bullied their way through thick air was a delight.  Yeah right!  But how bad can it be for 32 minutes???  I got to SF just as the plane to Maui was boarding. Luckily the arrival and boarding gates were in the same section of the terminal.  Oh the second good thing about traveling singly is that you don't have anyone to fight with while standing in the car rental line.  Everybody's always so crabby at that point.  Me too, but hey .... it's way more fun to stand there silently and listen to all the couples sniping at each other.  What's not so fun is driving in the dark and first entering the condo by myself.  I felt lonely for a couple minutes.  It's over though. I've already adjusted.  Ice cream and wine!  And the promise of seeing the ocean tomorrow after I'm rested.

The condo is nice enough.  I'm really too tired to tell for sure but even while sitting here typing this the breeze is blowing in.  I can hear the water if I listen real carefully and I can feel myself settling in.  I passed a beach while driving here that's within walking distance.  The ocean is right beyond the grassy area of my condo but I can't tell tonight howfar away that is.  But all my memory cells are going.... yes, oh yes...

It seems that lots more happened in the eighteen-twenty hours since I left home but my eyes are drooping, my brain is mush, and I need to go to sleep now. 

Twas the Night Before Maui

It's 10:10 pm Tuesday and I'm ready to pack up my computer.   The Shuttle arrives at 6:30 am  to take me to Denver Airport and then just three planes and 15 hours later I'll be in a condo on the ocean in Kihei.   This is the flight for people with more time than money.  My heart is going pittypat knowing I'll be back in the Islands tomorrow night after a three year absence.  I hope I can sleep tonight.

It seems I'm leaving Boulder at just the right time.  The Police called today to alert the neighborhood that a flash flood is expected.  Boulder Creek is overextending its boundaries and my condo is considered to be in the flood plane.  I can't imagine it will reach here, but who knows these days. 

Home Again

The trip ended as it started, in a taxicab in the driving rain. First, the harrowing cab ride to San Pedro Pier in Los Angeles traffic on February 5 with an Armenian cab driver. Today, March 2, a peaceful cab ride to the airport in Ft. Lauderdale despite the hammering rain, with a cabbie I can actually understand but who doesn’t want to talk. I

It feels a bit strange to be alone again. Robert and I said goodbye at noon today. We hugged really tight because we don’t know when or if we’ll see each other again. He is off to Key West, New York, Dominican Republic, Croatia during the three remaining months of his leave from the U.N. in Jerusalem. I am heading back to Boulder to spend three months at home before my next exploration in Maui and Molokai in June with Cathy.

Twenty-six days, thirteen hours and thirty-two minutes, eight thousand nautical miles, two thousand air miles and at least a hundred land miles, ten countries, twelve ports, and storms on land and sea were not the real adventures. The true journey, or more appropriately, the true gift of the cruise for me was the complete letting go of the need to be active, to be responsible for achieving anything, or even the need to think. Most of the time, being logical while sailing was simply not a possibility.

The thoughts I did have were mostly expressions of awe at the variety and intensity of the hues and tones of blue occupying sea and sky. Most of the hours at sea passed by without thought. I’m not sure that I have ever experienced no thought before. It is bliss. I didn’t know who I was, where I was, or what I was and I didn’t care.

Actually, I wasn’t anyone on the ship at any time. Not a mother, grandmother, writer, painter, seeker, teacher.
And although I appeared to be half a couple to others, I wasn’t that either. Nor was I alone. I did enjoy it when various tour guides referred to me as 'your wife' when talking with Robert (no one ever thought I was his mother) or when the Indonesian room stewards called him 'Mr. Robert Boehmer' every day. Boehmer was probably easier to say than Milosevic although lord knows it’s a rare moment when anyone pronounces Boehmer correctly the first time. Usually it comes out as Beemer, Boomer, Ballmer, Bomber, Bowheimer, Bowman, Boheemer or Baymer. Robert thought it was funny too.

My flight is boarding now. Gotta go.

Shortly after the plane was in flight, a great thump jarred everyone to attention. A woman passed out trying to get to the front bathroom to throw up. Yes, she did throw up and the thumping sound was because she cracked her head against a man’s wooden leg who was sitting in the first row. No. I didn’t make that up. It was one of those awful moments when all of us who saw what happened were desperately trying not to laugh. Luckily a retired paramedic was onboard and he took care of the woman as best he could but her pulse was dropping so the plane made an unplanned stop in Little Rock, AR. An ambulance was waiting for her when we arrived. The man with the wooden leg wasn’t injured. We had to spend time on the ground in Little Rock so the plane could be examined since we landed with too much fuel onboard. Apparently that’s not a good thing. So I’m grateful to be home even though quite a bit later than expected.

Terra Firma

Arrived back in Ft. Lauderdale this morning, Saturday and walked about 6 miles immediately after checking into the Atlantic Hotel. It felt so good to be able to walk without reaching the edge of something. Got caught in a rainstorm. And with the rain came a cold front. I'm not complaining. So much happening everywhere.

The final stop of the cruise was at Half Moon Cay in the Bahamas, the cruise line's private island. It was the most beautiful combination of sand, water, trees I've ever seen. The colors were absolutely crystalline and so surreal and intense, we wondered if we had fallen into a computer generated reality. This stop almost made the Holland America ship worthwhile. Almost! Overall, the cruises were a great experience for me. One I loved, the other not so much. Basically, I still prefer exploring the land and dipping my feet into the sea.

Robert and I had fun together and we're still good friends although tonight we aren't talking to each other at all. We each have our face glued to our respective computer screen. Happy as clams to have free internet access again. Alas, but no more free food, or more accurately said... no more prepaid food at our fingertips.

St. Thomas Pick Me Up

St. Thomas to the rescue. I had forgotten how beautiful Megan’s Bay in St. Thomas is. Slightly cloudy skies (a blessing), turquoise water, great pounding surf beating up through the sand while lying on a blanket under a tree. Just what I needed to get me back on track. With 20 years though, much of the charm of St. Thomas has been lost to progress and condominiums.

Both Robert and I have noticed a marked difference in our energy after crossing through the Panama Canal into the Caribbean Sea. It was first noticeable in Aruba on the Coral Princess but we just thought we were a little tired at the end of the first cruise. However, it hasn’t let up and actually has gotten way more pronounced. Something is a real drain on both of our energy bodies here. We have to work consciously more than usual to maintain a sense of balance. Perhaps it’s Atlantis and the Bermuda Triangle. Doo doo doo doo! Two more days till terra firma. It will be interesting to see how we feel then.

SOS

Help! Somebody get me off the dam Eurodam. It seems that either my cruise enjoyment limit is 15 days or I am seriously affected by my outer surroundings. I think it’s a bit of both. The days on the Coral Princess were mystical, magical, marvelous even though the people weren’t so friendly and the ports were less than stellar. Now at day 19 on the Eurodam the people are friendly but I just want them to leave me alone, the ports are more interesting but you can experience so little of them, it no longer seems worthwhile to go through the hassle of getting off the ship and yet the ship itself feels claustrophobic.

Yes, I’ve reached my cruising limit here in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Old San Juan is actually delightful. It’s a walled city with narrow cobblestone streets, colorful buildings similar to Cartagena in Colombia. Robert said it reminds him of Italy. Robert is still in San Juan because he couldn’t bear to come back onboard. I couldn’t bear the humidity of San Juan any longer, so I’m sitting by myself at 10:15 pm on the highest outdoor observation deck so I can be outside but away from the party revelers who are on the second leg of the pub crawl which happens to be on the pool deck. IWhere are those quiet people with the walkers and the canes? LOL

So now I know my cruising limit and I know that if I ever go on another cruise I’ll seriously check out the cruise ship layout beforehand. I also know that I miss being able to get online whenever I want to be connected. Even the continual food flow doesn’t make up for the internet limitations. I am seriously spoiled.

Tomorrow morning we arrive in St. Thomas. With the stopover there, I will have visited by myself every place that Fred and I vacationed together. Feels like a completion of something. What I don’t really know.

Bon Voyage again.

Turks and Caicos

Theresa, you are right. Turks and Caicos is the best. Clearest water with color that has no description. White sand beaches. What a beautiful way to spend the day. Tomorrow, San Juan for the afternoon and evening.